SKAM – four simple letters, one word – but it cracks my heart open and spreads warmth across my chest. Everytime I think about the show, the characters – I start smiling and when I think too much, i’m on the verge of tears. Like right now. This show made a very emotionless and cold girl in to an emotional wreck.
I felt like a kid watching this show.
The part of me that is trapped inside, the part of me that resonated with Sana, that part I ignored for years. I chalked it up to :
‘this is not my culture’,
‘mum and dad dont understand that their culture is not my culture’,
‘I have the best of both worlds. then why am i not happy? why do i have to convince people from both worlds to let me be part of them? (I convinced myself that I wasn’t lonely and of so much more..i didn’t know over the years i had buried so much in my heart and ignored it)’
‘ mum and dad wont be pleased with me if I did this or that’
‘ what will mum and dad’s friends say. what will our community say’
‘ do i even have friends. do i tell them about Ramadan?’
‘ well i told them about eid. but no one wished me’
I’m not a kid anymore, i’m 30, and SKAM became my life.
This show, the narrative was made for the teens of Norway – but its also for anyone who grew up in a multicultural society and never had anyone represent their struggles on tv, never had an idol to look up to…i can go on and on. The realism of the show took me by surprise. Evak-love shook me to my core. Im not a romantic person, I dont feel intense ‘love’ emotions. Most of the time I dont feel anything, I just do things because my brain tells me its the right things to do.
Till I met Sana, Isak, Even (the holy trinity).
I’ve been too afraid to let people in, to let them get to know me better. I’m too afraid to get hurt, and too shy to get personal or show emotions. But Evak made me “feel” what ‘love’ could feel like!!
I want what Even and Isak have. and I want to be fearless like Sana.